Archive | October, 2011

Reflections. One Month Later.

11 Oct

I can’t believe a month has gone by since the day you blessed this earth. Areli Sinclair Rozier, The blessing in disguise, my angel. Those first couple weeks I felt more ups and downs than I had ever felt in my entire life. I never understood the connection between mother and child until you came into my life. I never understood alot of things that I do now for that matter.

Knowing before hand that Areli was going to be leaving us, I thought I had a complete grip on the situation. I had, dare I say it, ‘numbed’ myself from what was happening and what was to come. How wrong was I. When she was born, I was in complete shock. She was so beautiful and sweet. I just wanted to stay there in that moment forever. To be so happy that she was there, yet so devestated knowing that at any moment she could leave us was a feeling that left me speechless and still. All I could do was sit there and stare at her. Cry then smile, cry then smile, then smile and cry some more.


The reality of what was happening kept hitting me in incriments. One moment I would be so happy knowing that she was safe in Heaven, the next selfishly wanting her back. The roller coaster still goes on, but with shallower peaks and valleys now.

The Millenia fashion show was when I was still in shock I suppose. I put on my business face and held it together. I’m so used to fashion shows at this point, I went through the motions as if all were normal. But it wasn’t normal.. I wasn’t my normal self. However, the collection showed well and I receieved a great response. I was just glad I finished all the clothes about a week beforehand. Otherwise I wouldv’e definitely been in a bind. The only thing that didn’t get finished was the jacket to my husband’s suit. I was planning on finsihing it the day Areli came. At least he got to wear the pants I made.

Millenia Fashion Week

The first day back at school was one week and one day after giving birth. Having 2 classes that day, one being 8 hours long; I decided to go in a little late. Even with that factored in, I just felt out of place. Everyone around me was happy go lucky.. making their usual passe jokes and conversation. My thoughts were miles deeper. After about 30 minutes I had had enough. I took the 45 minute bus ride back home to vent and cry to my husband, only to take it back again for my 6 o’ clock class; for which I stayed about 2 hours.

The week that followed was rather tough. Thoughts of anger, jealousy, happiness, thankfulness, peace, motivation, inspiration and tons more were rushing in and out of my mind.
But out of all of this I thought that I must share what was happening with the world. How could I go on, obviously not being pregnant, with no baby, and not explain myself. So I did (as seen below). And from that, the response I recieved was so unexpected. I have had the privilege of making connections with people that I would have never expected.

I was also suprised to learn that there are others close to me who have gone through similar experiences. Hearing their stories has made me feel like I am not alone.

Cutting the Areli Sinclair Spring Collection

I am still running with full steam. Working on the Areli Sinclair Spring 2012 collection. My grades are showing no sign that I missed a few days. I am all caught up on my work and am thankful for my instructors Laura and Daphne for their understanding and kind words.

Current grade with 2 weeks to go

The blessings that Areli has brought to my life are far greater than I could have ever imagined. Most are not visible and will fourish with me as a person. Others are are through the connnections I have been making with those around me. Both are priceless.

One month. The time has gone so fast. I have learned so much. I am so thankful. For you. For learning. For growning. For Areli.
~A. Rozier

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