The Word: WOMAN. [Happy Mother’s Day!]

10 May

me in LOT teeMy posts have been all business lately, but since Mother’s Day is around the corner, I think it’s time for an update on my personal journey. : )

I used to post more about where I was emotionally since my daughter Areli passed. I guess I can share a little on that since it has been long enough at this point. Last time I really shared about her was about a year ago on this blog. I stopped posting about Areli, as I thought that might be appropriate. But really it lead me to a period last year of what I guess some would call depression or repression. I felt like I was supposed to be over my grieving period at the beginning of last year since it had been about 6 months since Areli passed. And I felt like I was. Or like I was at least ok. But in the back of my mind I would think about her all the time. I’d think about how old she would be now, what I would be teaching her, or how different our lives would be with her. At times I felt like I wasn’t working hard enough, I’d think that maybe I didn’t deserve her. I wouldn’t voice what I was feeling because I thought people would just think I was feeling sorry for myself, or that I would just intensify the feelings I was having. It got to the point that I was living in my head so much about it, that the thoughts started to affect other areas of my life. Not being able to talk about what was on my subconscious mind made my conscious mind think that I didn’t even know myself anymore. This sounds odd, I know. But I’m so glad I’m able to realistically analyze everything at this point- because at the time, I was really confusing myself with this stuff.

So at some point in the first half of 2012, around the time I decided to pursue my graduate degree, I came to a breaking point. I broke down and told my husband about what was really going on with me. It felt like such a relief to just let everything out. I didn’t care anymore about what people thought. I knew that from that point on I wasn’t going to let my own worry or doubt stop me from being the best me and savoring every moment I have in this life I have been granted. I came to the realization that it wasn’t about me, but other people. Others that I might have been able to engage, inspire, meet, work with or just befriend. Time is so precious. Days turn into months and months into years before our eyes.

Our time is worth more than anything else we have. Why not make the absolute best with what we each have been given?!

Mother’s Day is coming up. It was a strange feeling when it came around last year. I was solemn and not really sure how to feel. Like how you feel when you want to cry, but you can’t. This year, I feel good, no- great actually. Areli has become an angel that sits on my shoulder. And I have long gotten over the notion that some people may not like me talking about her or what happened. She will always be anywhere I am. Like a soldier. Like the meaning of her name; Lioness of God. Strengthening me and inspiring others. The impact one can make on the world, even unknowingly, is quite amazing. You never know who you may impact. A simple smile, “hello”, or “how are you” may change someone’s life. I can’t tell you how many examples I have of that truth from when I was pregnant, both on the positive and negative side. We have more power than we realize, and can make a real difference in the world with simple, small acts. It starts when we begin to think outside of ourselves. See things as they are, not as we think they are.

Why settle for a life of existence when you can have a life of substance?

I hope that this inspires, intrigues or moves you in some manner. Like if you like it, and share if you think someone else may benefit!

Happy Mother’s Day!

More later loves!

~A.Roze

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2 Responses to “The Word: WOMAN. [Happy Mother’s Day!]”

  1. thelongroadtraveled May 10, 2013 at 9:47 am #

    You are a very strong lady, god bless xx

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