Tag Archives: motherhood

A Second Chance

17 Nov

My husband and I have been blessed again with a beautiful baby. This time around there were no health problems or complications. We said hello to a healthy 9 pound baby boy on September 18th.

Elisha Blanket

About 8 months pregnant with the blanket I made for our son.              Elisha Cypher King Rozier

I didn’t share my pregnancy online until I was about 8 months along. My reclusiveness was out of fear, honestly. Fear that it was too good to be true. It really did not fully register that he would be here. That he would be real. After the loss of one child, the ability to accept the blessing of another is complicated. It was in my subconscious not to get my hopes up, in case something went wrong. I was already preparing for the worst. There was also a feeling of guilt. Like I was somehow forgetting or ungrateful for our daughter Areli because we had moved on. Like we were replacing her. Well, that just wasn’t true at all. But it’s funny how your emotions can fool your brain into thinking something is true when your mind/spirit is trying to protect itself. Continue reading

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Reflections. One Month Later.

11 Oct

I can’t believe a month has gone by since the day you blessed this earth. Areli Sinclair Rozier, The blessing in disguise, my angel. Those first couple weeks I felt more ups and downs than I had ever felt in my entire life. I never understood the connection between mother and child until you came into my life. I never understood alot of things that I do now for that matter.

Knowing before hand that Areli was going to be leaving us, I thought I had a complete grip on the situation. I had, dare I say it, ‘numbed’ myself from what was happening and what was to come. How wrong was I. When she was born, I was in complete shock. She was so beautiful and sweet. I just wanted to stay there in that moment forever. To be so happy that she was there, yet so devestated knowing that at any moment she could leave us was a feeling that left me speechless and still. All I could do was sit there and stare at her. Cry then smile, cry then smile, then smile and cry some more.

Areli


The reality of what was happening kept hitting me in incriments. One moment I would be so happy knowing that she was safe in Heaven, the next selfishly wanting her back. The roller coaster still goes on, but with shallower peaks and valleys now.

The Millenia fashion show was when I was still in shock I suppose. I put on my business face and held it together. I’m so used to fashion shows at this point, I went through the motions as if all were normal. But it wasn’t normal.. I wasn’t my normal self. However, the collection showed well and I receieved a great response. I was just glad I finished all the clothes about a week beforehand. Otherwise I wouldv’e definitely been in a bind. The only thing that didn’t get finished was the jacket to my husband’s suit. I was planning on finsihing it the day Areli came. At least he got to wear the pants I made.

Millenia Fashion Week

The first day back at school was one week and one day after giving birth. Having 2 classes that day, one being 8 hours long; I decided to go in a little late. Even with that factored in, I just felt out of place. Everyone around me was happy go lucky.. making their usual passe jokes and conversation. My thoughts were miles deeper. After about 30 minutes I had had enough. I took the 45 minute bus ride back home to vent and cry to my husband, only to take it back again for my 6 o’ clock class; for which I stayed about 2 hours.

The week that followed was rather tough. Thoughts of anger, jealousy, happiness, thankfulness, peace, motivation, inspiration and tons more were rushing in and out of my mind.
But out of all of this I thought that I must share what was happening with the world. How could I go on, obviously not being pregnant, with no baby, and not explain myself. So I did (as seen below). And from that, the response I recieved was so unexpected. I have had the privilege of making connections with people that I would have never expected.

I was also suprised to learn that there are others close to me who have gone through similar experiences. Hearing their stories has made me feel like I am not alone.

Cutting the Areli Sinclair Spring Collection


I am still running with full steam. Working on the Areli Sinclair Spring 2012 collection. My grades are showing no sign that I missed a few days. I am all caught up on my work and am thankful for my instructors Laura and Daphne for their understanding and kind words.

Current grade with 2 weeks to go

The blessings that Areli has brought to my life are far greater than I could have ever imagined. Most are not visible and will fourish with me as a person. Others are are through the connnections I have been making with those around me. Both are priceless.

One month. The time has gone so fast. I have learned so much. I am so thankful. For you. For learning. For growning. For Areli.
~A. Rozier

Areli Sinclair Rozier. My Angel.

23 Sep

So much has been happening in the past few weeks. Much more than a fb status or tweet can endure. So here I will unveil the scoop on things. You may know that I was pregnant, as I posted maternity designs and had you all vote on them. (more on those later). Well on Sunday the 11th, my husband and I had a beautiful baby girl. Areli Sinclair Rozier. Unfortunately, she only stayed with us for a few precious hours. She had a condition that was fatal. Something that is so rare that only 1 in 10,000 pregnancies will acquire it. We found out about 2 months ago about the condition, and as she was unharmed while inside me and not harming me, we decided to continue the pregnancy as abortion is simply not an option in my book. Devestation is the word that comes to mind, but that would be an understatment. Keeping this news to ourselves was no easy feat. I didn’t want a pity party, false sympathy, or to make anyone feel awkward or like they had to treat me a certain way. This experience has truly changed my life. Everything has happened so quickly. To think that a 5 lb, 2 hour old baby could alter my character so dramatically is awe inspiring. Her name, Areli, means lion of God, brave, courageous, heroic. Her middle name, Sinclair, means pure, renowned and illustrious. She fit her name so well. Just as calm as could be. She smiled, and even frowned when her Grandma took her from my arms to hold her for a moment. Now my angel, Areli gives me more strength than anything in this world ever could have. Which is why I’ve decided to change the name of my womens clothing line from Nevaeh Chyne to Areli Sinclair. It’s amazing to me that everything about the meaning of her name is what I have always tried to embody through my collections. She has given me confirmation. She has enhanced my reason to keep pushing for greatness.

Areli Sinclair Rozier


Three days after I had Areli, I was scheduled to show my latest designs at Millenia Mall’s Fashion Week. Deciding to continue my participation was tough, physically and emotionally, however it felt like the right thing to do. The show went well and I’m glad that I decided to go. More on the show in another post sometime soon.

Me Being Interviewed after showing my collection


As you can see in the photo above, I listened to your opinions and went with the dress your votes chose as the winner from the maternity sketches. I did however choose a color scheme that I felt was more suiting for me. Even though I was no longer pregnant at the show, the dress still fit pretty well.
All in all, the past 9 months, and especially the past few weeks have been the biggest emotional roller coaster of my life. And I’m so grateful to have been on, and still be on that ride.
-A. Rozier

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